Rebecca Live Blogs The Snowpocalypse
Snow is the worst. I hate the cold and I certainly do not appreciate the precipitation that accompanies it.
As some of you may be aware, a giant blizzard is about to descend upon the Nation’s Capital (as well as other parts of the East Coast); one that is predicted to have up to 2 feet of snow, 60 mph winds, and complete whiteout conditions. Pretty much everything, from the metro to schools, have been shut down. If you wander over to Google Maps to drive anywhere, you get this.
I’m sure I’ll hear that siren from my phone later today from Siri telling me THERE’S A BLIZZARD. DON’T BE AN IDIOT AND DRIVE OR GO OUTSIDE AT ALL, REALLY.
While I could be a pissy pants all weekend as I’m about to be stuck in Hell it self (They’ve been lying for years. Hell will be cold, people, and there will be NO fire and brimstone to warm you up!), I’ve decided to look at this as an adventure! And since many of you will not have the displeasure/joy, depending on your personal feelings toward the white devil of the sky, I’m going to tell the whole world about the misery/fun of being in the oncoming path of the storm. I’ll update this page as the weekend progresses, likely around every hour, or when something happens.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE SNOWPOCALYPSE?!
8:04 AM: No snow. Maybe this was all a lie. Maybe it won’t snow.🙏This is the view out my bedroom window. There’s a little left over from the inch we got on Wednesday night, but most of it has melted.
8:32 AM: Snow Day outfit #1.
Runway ready guys. I’m telling you, watch out for messy hair and sweatshirts in Yves Saint Laurent’s next show.
8:39 AM: Ooo! The mail lady is here! We usually don’t get our mail till the afternoon, so I guess they are living up to the whole, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom” thing while not actually having to work in the snow. Smart move USPS.
Side note: Mail was for me. 3rd package from Amazon in the past 7 days. I think I’m slightly addicted to Prime? I mean, not in a get-into-debt-from-internet-shopping kind of way. It’s just, if I have the option of buying something at the store, or buying it from them, I’ll probably do it online. Like today’s package was a 4 pack of light bulbs. The lights in my closet and bathroom have burned out, and instead of going over to Giant, I just whipped out my phone. Lazy? Maybe. But I’m getting my money’s worth from that membership. And I saved like $0.51 compared to buying it at the store.
Oh my goodness. I’m not lazy. I’m my mother. This is the equivalent of her scraping out the bottom of the peanut butter jar.
10:02 AM: Why do helicopters keep flying over the house? I mean, we always have a lot cause we’re right by the Pentagon and The White House, but this feels like more than usual. Are they news stations trying to get before shots? Are they military evacuating important people? Idk, but I know two more have flown over just while I was typing this.
10:16 AM: Ok, time to change those light bulbs. Slight problem. I’m just barely too short to reach the light fixture comfortably. Hmmm. I could go look for a step stool. Or…
Perfect. And they say high heels are impractical.
11:27 AM: Still no snow. My weather app says theres a 50% chance that it will start at noon, but I’m still hoping there will be a major plot twist and a heat wave will come through and we can all enjoy some nice 65 degree sunshine.
12:08 PM: Noon has arrived with no white in sight. I’ve decided to make sweet potatoes for lunch. Here’s my recipe.
- Cut sweet potato how ever you feel like. Make sure you constantly put your thumb in the way of the knife or slice toward you. This will thoroughly stress out all parties watching.
- Coat with 1 tbsp of olive oil. Measure it out perfectly because you’re on a stupid diet and you have to eat their EXACT portions. 😒
- Spread out over pan.
- Use roommate’s fancy new garlic salt grinder from Trader Joe’s. Make note that this is the 4th time you’ve done that. Tell Siri to remind you to go buy your own fancy garlic salt grinder.
- Stick in the oven.
- Pull up the Amazon app to see if they sell Trader Joe’s Garlic Salt.
- Pull out sweet potatoes when they look like you want to eat them.
BON APPETIT 🍠
(Why am I on a super strict diet you may ask? Some of you may know, but if you don’t, it’s not just for kicks. I actually have a big announcement to tell all of you, which will likely be my next blog post.)
12:42 PM: Kirsi and I decide to go brave our local grocery store to buy water.
12:57 PM: Giant employee came over intercom with the following announcement:
“Ok It’s officially started snowing. So you should all just go home. Now.”
I connected with his disgruntled sounding tone on a spiritual level.
1:32 PM: Yep. It’s here. And the Michigander in me says you’re all weak. I may hate snow but this is nothing.
2:14 PM: Snow Day outfit #2.
The weather will not deter me form attempting to turn my flabby noodle arms into something that can do a push up.
3:30 PM: ZUMBA PARTY IN THE BASEMENT. I highly suggest having fun roommates if you have to be snowed in. 10/10. Would recommend to a friend.
3:52 PM: Upside of snow days? Showers. I don’t know about you, but when I take a shower, it’s usually in a rush to get to work. But when you’re stuck in a blizzard? Pff. Do whatever you want. Want to sing the first half of Les Mis? Go for it! Try and rap Guns and Ships perfectly? Probably will take longer than that first one, but who cares! You have the time.
“I’m taking this horse by the reigns, makin’ Red Coats redder with blood stains! Watch me enrage in em, escapin’ em, PWWRAA! I go back to France for more funds and… wait, um guns and ships, and so the balance shifts. Go lead your men. See you on the other side. Till we meet…. WAIT THAT’S YORKTOWN DANG IT.”
4:41 PM: Snow Day outfit #1.5
“Moore once again is making bold fashion choices this January. While the untrained eye would say, “Wait… isn’t this the same thing she was wearing earlier?” a connoisseur of fashion will note the subtle differences. She has updated the classic look with a wet hair accent, plus the additional detail of her t-shirt underneath being slightly visible. It’s this attention to the little things that makes her the style icon that she is.”
5:03 PM: Been snowing for a little over 4 hours. Honestly, it’s not that bad yet. You can still see the grass poking through. I’m aware the worst of it is supposed to come at night, but so far no 60 mph wind or whiteouts.
(Left is at 1:45 PM – Right 5:03 PM)
5:29 PM: Someone just rang our doorbell. Who could be at our house right now? I don’t want to answer. I have wet hair and am wearing… wait. I just posted a picture of that for the whole internet to see. Right. And I went to the store wearing this exact same thing. Good job brain.
5:32 PM: It was some kids offering to shovel the walk for cash. Smart. Sarah June thinks they need to work on their sales pitch.
6:27 PM: Rebecca v. The Snow Round #1
Joe: So what do we have here today, Steve?
Steve: Well, Joe, The Snow has really started to up its game, so now Rebecca is prepping for their first round. She’s grabbing some boots, throwing on some gloves, and heading right into the thick of it!
Joe: Do you think she’ll go for scraping the car or shoveling the walk first?
Steve: Looks like she grabbed her keys… and yes! She’s going for the car!
Joe: Wow, she’s moving fast. Look at how quick those brush strokes are.
Steve: Well, she has to be that fast. At the rate The Snow is falling, the whole thing will be under it all over again if she goes any slower.
Joe: I notice she’s wearing a coat, Steve.
Steve: That is unusual. Rarely do we see that kind of move from Rebecca.
Joe: Is it true that last year she scrapped her car wearing only a t-shirt and jeans?
Steve: That is a fact! Got some odd looks that day. See Rebecca has never been fond of coats. She appreciates them to complete an outfit, but for actually keeping warm? Not something we usually see.
Joe: I wonder why that is, Steve?
Steve: Well, Joe, no one really knows. I don’t even know if you could get more than a shrug out of her about it. But my theory is her usual tactic for dealing with The Snow, or The Cold for that matter, is to simply refuse to acknowledge its existence.
Joe: Well, that and spend as little time in it as possible.
Steve: True, true. Look! She’s moving on to the walk way!
Joe: Appears she’ll begin with the sidewalk in front of the house. Clearly she wants to avoid any of those Arlington County fines.
Steve: Do they even really enforce that, Joe?
Joe: I’m not sure, Steve, but Rebecca certainly isn’t finding out.
Steve: It looks like she’s really the only one out right now.
Joe: She’s smart. This Snow is wet. Remember the wise words of Leslie Knope on one of her trips to Washington, D.C. “[There’s] two hundred percent humidity because this is a stupid swamp town.”
Steve: Good reminder! That snow is heavy, and she’s in it to win it. If she waits too long, she might throw her back out shoveling.
Joe: That, or at least pull something. Either of which would make it a win for The Snow.
Steve: Looks like she’s wrapping up… walking inside the house… wait! She’s going for a team play! She and Kirsi switch the shovel for, what is that, I can’t see…
Joe: It’s a container of rock salt!
Steve: Wow! No surprise ambushes for The Ice either. She really wants to win this.
Joe: Well now she really is done. She can go in and warm up with 90 calories of fish, 1/2 cup of couscous, some steamed veggies, and a mug of caramel apple cider!
Steve: Um… the cider sounds good.
Joe: Sorry, I misspoke. I meant caramel apple tea. No actual sugar or calories, but it does have flavor that imitates that favorite wintertime drink!
Steve: That’s horrible.
Joe: Yes, Steve, it is. Diets are stupid.
Rebecca: 1, The Snow: 0
8:55 AM: Kill me.
9:15 AM: Snow Day outfit #3
“While today’s outfit has the nice call back to yesterday’s baggy sweatshirt, this one is considerably less snuggly. It’s as if the statement she’s trying to make is yeah… not going outside.”
9:20 AM: I lied. I went outside.
Ok, maybe it isn’t that bad. That’s only a few inches.
Wait, never mind. The drift tricked me. This is over my boots. Let’s try walking down the steps…
WHAT?! THIS IS AMOST UP TO MY KNEES?! Ugh. And I even shoveled a good 6 inches last night.
Good thing I don’t have to go anywhere.
11:07 AM: All church meetings for my Stake have been canceled.
1:10 PM: Nice people are shoveling my walk?!?! We are so touched. Making them hot cocoa and cookies.
2:29 PM: Usually this is my hardest workout during the day. But shoveling the walk will likely make this look like a cake walk.
5:50 PM: Do you suffer from a disorganized kitchen? Can’t remember who’s turn it is to take out the trash? Not sure how to pay for communal items like toilet paper and dish soap? Maybe it’s time to try Snowed In Roommate Council™.
Unlike regular Roommate Council™, which may or may not have people rushing off to a date, having to leave for a work emergency, or traveling, SIRC™ forces all living under one roof to not only be there, but also have no where else to go.
“Before taking Snowed In Roommate Council™, I felt like we weren’t staying on top of the dishes. Now, we have an effective system that can keep the area ready for cooking!”
“During the cleaning of the kitchen part of SIRC™, I found spices I didn’t even know we had!”
BEFORE taking Snowed In Roommate Council™, make sure you have an actual desire to problem solve and a willingness to accept responsibility. While Snowed In Roommate Council™ can be taken with most households, a friendship or at least mutual respect should be formed for the dosage to be completely effective.
DO NOT take Snowed In Roommate Council™ if you have a history of: passive aggression, easily taking offense, or a desire to simply gang up on one house member.
BEST USED in conjunction with regular doses of Roommate Council™.
“I already felt so lucky to be living with these women, but after taking SIRC™, a great living situation is now practically perfect.”
Talk to the people living in your house today to see if Snowed In Roommate Council™ is right for you.
Snowed In Roommate Council™. Making your house, a home.
7:03 PM: Rebecca v. The Snow Round 2
Steve: Back today with Joe and Steve covering the next match between Rebecca and her nemesis, The Snow!
Joe: Yes, we thought we saw another round coming earlier today when she went to out to shovel, but it turns out some kindly neighbors took care of that!
Steve: It’s things like that Joe, that can restore your faith in humanity.
Joe: Truly. But now, she has to venture into the unshoveled side of her house to get to the trash can!
Steve: Now, why isn’t she just waiting until The Snow clears to take it out? Those bags don’t look too full.
Joe: Well you see, Steve, Rebecca and her roommates just cleaned out the kitchen, including some rather smelly finds from the refrigerator.
Steve: Ooo! Don’t want to let that sit around.
Joe: No you don’t. Which is why she’s taking on this next round.
Steve: And she’s going in! Woah! That snow is deeper than it looks! It’s almost up to her hips, and its just getting deeper with every step!
Joe: Now you’ll notice right here even though she looks like a complete idiot while she’s walking, she has to lift her legs up that high to get over the snow. She can’t just push through it, because it’s too dense.
Steve: I don’t know if she can make it without falling. There’s no way that can be stable1 And while holding 3 trash bags? Impossible!
Joe: Well, that would constitute a win for The Snow, but she looks confident.
Steve: Here we go… She’s opening the trash bin, which The Snow has completely covered by the way…
Joe: She gets it! She gets all the bags in! Even the bonus recycling bin!
Steve: The hard part is over! But she’s not done quite yet. The round isn’t over until she makes it back to the front of the house without falling.
Joe: Almost… Almost… AND SHE’S THERE! SHE’S THERE, STEVE!
Steve: Wow! Another win for Rebecca!
Rebecca: 2, The Snow: 0
8:49 AM: Made it through the night with not too much more snow. Thank goodness.
9:10 AM: Snow Day outfit #4
Trying to continue with the oversized sweater theme, but since today is Sunday, and we’re going to “church” (our neighbors are going to bless the Sacrament at their house, and a few of houses around him in walking distance are going over) I grabbed my classy sweater dress. Same leggings as yesterday, but who cares.
12:00 PM: Honestly, I love my ward. I love the people, and I so appreciate our tiny version of sacrament meeting today. It was short and simple, but powerful. We sang some hymns, took the sacrament, took turns sharing spiritual thoughts, and that was it! My heart was filled with gratitude for the people who opened up their home and for everyone else for bringing the Spirit with them.
I spoke briefly, and I’ll share with you what I said there.
Last week I had the opportunity to hear Terryl Givens speak at a fireside. In one part of his talk he discussed the Prophet Jonah, and how we can learn not to be like him.
Jonah had prejudged the people of Nineveh, and when he went to preach repentance to them, he did it more as a prerequisite for their destruction, rather than a genuine desire to serve God’s children. To his surprise and disappointment, they heeded the Lord’s cautions, and changed their hearts.
Jonah wanted them smitten, but God wanted to be compassionate. Jonah saw them as being past redemption, but the Lord never looks at his children as undeserving of love.
So what do we learn from this wayward Prophet? “Take care not to make Heaven too small,” said Givens. “To Jonah, and all who’s hearts are as narrow as his remember the word of the Lord, ‘Shall I not save Nineveh?'”
We all are so deeply far from God. You are not better than your neighbor. And if even by some measurement you were, the difference would be so minuscule in the scope of eternity that its value is something less than a quark. Any presumption that you or anyone is more deserving or have somehow earned their salvation lacks the perspective of the universe and the ever infinite Atonement. Because it is exactly that. Infinite. It cannot be used up. Our blessings are not made less just because someone else receives grace. Our salvation is not thwarted by another’s.
Be not like Jonah, the brother of the prodigal son, or the early day laborers. Rejoice in God’s love for all of His children.
2:45 PM: Rebecca (and Team) v. The Snow Round 3
Steve: Alright folks! It’s the last round, and it’s a doosey!
Joe: This isn’t some light brushing off of cars, this is the ultimate dig out.
Steve: If you look far away you’ll see Rebecca has already begun.
Joe: That coat of her’s is already off. It’s not denial of The Cold, she’s just that warm!
Steve: Here come the missionaries. They were providing an assist to her neighbor, but now they’ve finished and are helping her out.
Joe: Look! Her roommates and some neighbors are coming out, too!
Steve: Remind me of the rules again, Joe?
Joe: Well Steve, if she falls, The Snow wins. If she decides it’s too hard and gives up, The Snow wins. If she breaks anything on or around her car when trying to back it out of the driveway, The Snow wins.
Steve: That’s tough. But she’s looking pretty happy…
Joe: That’s because she’s surrounded by wonderful people. She’s very lucky. This may be her own version of Hell, but good friends that help carry the load are good for the soul.
Steve: Clearly, because she’s broken through the 4 foot mountain of snow and slush, and is finishing up the sidewalk now!
Joe: Look! She’s so proud! Can we get a close up on that?
Steve: What a nerd.
Joe: You said it. But still, it’s kinda cute how proud she is.
Steve: Let’s check back in on the driveway.
Joe: Wow! They sure are enthusiastic.
Steve: I think they’re getting ready to move the cars.
Joe: Is that even possible?
Steve: They’ve run out of room for the snow, so they have to move the cars if they want to finish the job. Time to make it possible.
Joe: I hear slipping, sliding, but they’re moving! It’s happening! Woah, Steve! Would you look at that!
Steve: It’s like we’ve been saying all weekend, Joe. That Snow is dense. It’s not just the amount that makes this tough, it’s the sheer weight!
Joe: Well, it would appear that in the end, with that many hands, The Snow was just not up for the challenge. The driveway, road, sidewalk, and porch have been cleared, it took about two hours, but it happened.
Steve: Big round of applause for all of our contestants this weekend! They really brought their A game.
Rebecca 3, The Snow:0
REBECCA MOORE HAS OFFICIALLY DEFEATED THE SNOW!